RECENT COLUMNS
- Amateur Photography, Korean Heirs and a Whole Lotta Dust In lieu of a column on how many college football bowl games I can watch before my retinas secede from the rest of my central nervous system, I give you scattered thoughts…
- Campaign Interrupted, Belligerent Brides and Rounding Into Form In lieu of a column on whether LeBron James can realistically win back the public’s affection after some disastrous ‘Decisions,’ I give you scattered thoughts…
- Back to School, Funny Cars and a Fantastic Voyage In lieu of a column on whether Major League Baseball’s new labor deal should limit players’ use of sugar cereals in addition to smokeless tobacco, I give you scattered thoughts…
In lieu of a column on the most uninspiring National Championship in recent college football history (five field goals??), I give you scattered thoughts…
It has come to my attention that Hostess Brands, makers of Wonder bread and the bionic snack food known as the Twinkie, is filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. It’s actually the company’s second such filing in the past decade — consequences of a stale management strategy, no doubt.
In fact, a combination of bad union contracts, an overly complex distribution network and a spike in the price of sea sponges (OK, that last one may be untrue) has landed Hostess some $860 million in the red.
Anyway, as part of its planned reorganization, company CEO Brian Driscoll will ask several labor unions to restructure their contracts… And while I’m certain they’ll listen to his suggestions, Driscoll probably shouldn’t be surprised to find the severed head of a Gingerbread man in his bed.
A 20-year study of young adults in the U.S. has found that pot does less harm to the lungs than cigarette smoke.
I’m sure the National Institute on Drug Abuse, which funded the initiative, is thrilled with the results: that smoking a joint every day for seven years apparently causes zero decrease in lung function; nor does smoking a spliff each week for 20 years.
OK, while I don’t doubt the findings, clearly there are some unanswered questions here, like whether the study subjects showed any increase in their collective DVD viewing or Lucky Charms consumption.
All I’m saying is there are important factors that our federal government obviously is failing to account for. Can we please get a drug czar in place who is serious about his job??
Probably a good thing that Dallas Mavericks guard Delonte West took a pass on his team’s recent visit to the White House in honor of its NBA title last year. I can’t remember who they beat, but I just know this year will be completely different.
West initially feared that his past legal troubles (including a gun charge) would prevent him from clearing a Secret Service background check. So he took a proactive approach that involved a particularly colorful Twitter rant. Sort of like dumping your girlfriend before she has a chance to break up with you.
Problem is, he was never banned from the Oval Office. Sigh.
So West remained in Big D, where he has since enrolled in a continuing education course titled, “How not to piss off the guy who killed Osama bin Laden.”
I believe it’s part of the communications curriculum, and I hear it’s going well.
