In lieu of a column on the start of Wimbledon (my money’s on Nadal), I give you scattered thoughts…
Two days after his team won its first NBA title, Dallas Mavericks guard DeShawn Stevenson was arrested for public intoxication. Police responding to the Grand Venetian apartment complex said Stevenson looked impaired and did not know where he was.
Maybe he was thrown off by all the canals.
At any rate, Stevenson spent the next few hours signing autographs in the drunk-tank.
Afterward he had this to say to local TV station KDFW: “I slept in a one-room cell for almost five hours, until my wife came and picked me up. And to me it hurts because that’s not a way a champion should celebrate on his way home in Dallas, sleeping in a cell over a $400 fine.”
I suppose it would have been more dignified to continue wandering aimlessly around the parking lot… And by the way, I’ve used that “looking for my phone” excuse before too. Check your pocket, chief.
So Rep. Anthony Weiner resigned last week. (Can we observe a moment of silence please?) Apparently he was reluctant to make any decision about his career without first speaking with his wife, a top aide to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton who was overseas since shortly after the scandal erupted. The trip ended two nights before Weiner’s resignation.
My first thought was that it seemed a little late to start consulting the missus, dontcha think? Nonetheless, I’m guessing the fateful conversation went something like this:
“So honey, uh, I was thinking… Oh hey, how was Africa?”
“(Silence)”
“Yeah well, things are getting pretty bad out there… you know, what with the party leaders calling for my head and all.”
“(Prolonged silence)”
“Anyway, I’m wondering if it may be time to, ummm… I can’t believe I’m even considering this… It may be time to step down. What do you think?”
“A**hole.”
“Gotcha… Say, what’s for dinner?” It’s been one helluva ride, Tony. We’re all sad to see it end.
I just read where astronomers may have determined the origin of a flash of light observed from a distant galaxy back in March. Scientists initially thought it was a burst of gamma rays from a collapsing star (that was also my first guess). But it turns out the flare was a gigantic black hole consuming a star, roughly the size of our sun, that had drifted too close.
Now understand that black holes are swirling, super-dense cores of galaxies that suck up virtually everything around them. And it’s theoretically possible that what just happened could someday occur in our own Milky Way. However, according to researcher Andrew Levan of the University of Warwick in England, “It’s not something worth losing sleep over.”
Gee, thanks Andrew. You were one of the geniuses ready to attribute this to a gamma-ray burst from a collapsing star. And now I’m supposed to just trust you when you tell me it’s not something worth losing sleep over. A black hole just freakin gobbled up something the size of our sun! Forgive me if I’m a bit on edge!
And while we’re at it, I have a message for the proprietors of the Chinese restaurant downstairs: When I ask for extra soy sauce, just give it to me. I know you have it — I see at least 100 spare packets behind the counter. And don’t tell me you already put some in. I realize that. I want more. OK??
