Schechner’s Sports Stop is a
regular feature of the Pool and Spa News enewsletter. The
opinions expressed herein are solely those of Managing Editor Dan
Schechner, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Pool and
Spa News, its parent company or affiliates. Any similarities to
actual, well-conceived opinions are purely coincidental and likely
of a fleeting nature. In other words, this is for entertainment
In lieu of a column on how many college football bowl games I can
watch before my retinas secede from the rest of my central nervous
system, I give you scattered thoughts…
Sexual harassment lawsuits are low-hanging fruit (no pun intended)
for columnists, which is why yours truly typically doesn’t
cover them. However, a recent news item out of Oakland warrants
It was revealed this week that Golden State Warriors guard Monta
Ellis has been sued by a former team employee for allegedly sending
her dozens of unwanted text messages that included suggestive
overtures and … wait for it … pictures of his
Maybe I’m behind the times here, but it sure sounds like
I’m wasting $30 a month on flowers when the way to a
woman’s heart clearly involves hitting ‘send’ on
a portrait of your package.
But wait, it gets better. In an effort to bolster their case, the
accuser’s attorney told reporters this week that his client
rebuffed Ellis’ advances and was afraid that no one would
Excuse me? Don’t you have a smoking gun?
If Kim Jong-il was North Korea’s “Dear Leader”
does that make his son, Kim Jong-un, the
It was one of the stranger e-mails I’d received in a while
— which is saying something, considering I’d just
deleted one from a Canadian pharmacy inviting me to “show
them how large you are.”
(Who exactly is “them”? And why am I sharing my
enormity with multiple parties?)
Anyway, the message was forwarded to me the other day from a
colleague, and the subject line read simply: Free Male Alpaca
Evidently this particular beast had worn out its
welcome in the heavily suburban San Fernando Valley and needed to
be re-homed ASAP.
So naturally, I wrote the seller:
I am intrigued by your posting
— could you tell me more? What is his overall disposition?
Does he have any health problems? Approximately how old is he (and
how do you know this)? Can he perform any tricks? Does he respond
to commands (or just food, as your picture shows him devouring a
carrot)? What sorts of activities does he enjoy? What is his
approximate life-expectancy? Are alpacas generally considered good
I may know someone who is interested.
I have yet to hear back.
I was somewhat saddened to hear that Chicago Bears wide receiver
Sam Hurd had been arrested by Homeland Security officials last week
after attempting to organize a citywide drug distribution
The coup de grace, apparently, came when Hurd told an
undercover agent that he was already doling out $100,000 worth of
cocaine per week and, he was very sorry, but the amounts the agent
was hoping to move simply weren’t enough.
“Hey, I’ve gotta feed my family,” he may have
But if you ask me, law enforcement once again missed the mark. You
see, it could take months, possibly years, to sort through the
legal quagmire that is Chicago’s criminal justice system. And
Lord only knows how much more complicated it can get for a
Instead, they should have gone after him for embezzlement —
because the real crime here is that the Bears last summer gave
Hurd, who had never caught more than 20 passes a season, a
three-year contract worth $5.1 million.
Happy holidays everyone.