Schechner’s Sports and More is a

regular feature of the Pool and Spa News enewsletter. The

opinions expressed herein are solely those of Managing Editor Dan

Schechner, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Pool and

Spa News, its parent company or affiliates. Any similarities to

actual, well-conceived opinions are purely coincidental and likely

of a fleeting nature. In other words, this is for entertainment

purposes only. 
Schechner’s Sports and More is a regular feature of the Pool and Spa News enewsletter. The opinions expressed herein are solely those of Managing Editor Dan Schechner, and do not necessarily reflect the views of Pool and Spa News, its parent company or affiliates. Any similarities to actual, well-conceived opinions are purely coincidental and likely of a fleeting nature. In other words, this is for entertainment purposes only. 

Does anyone else appreciate the irony of a football team called “the Saints” running a bounty program in which devastating and potentially injurious hits to opposing players were rewarded with cash payouts? In unrelated news…

  • Unearned Accolades, Off-Season Choices and Too Much Violence for Boxing

Here’s hoping former NBA star Allen Iverson can catch on with a pro basketball club soon before his bank account is drained of another $860,000 to pay off another outstanding jewelry debt. Maybe try a team in Antwerp? In unrelated news…

  • Supportive Spouses, Blame the Beef and Executive-Branch Escapades

Here’s wishing Ricky Williams well as the newly retired NFL star embarks on the next phase of his life: World’s most sought-after yoga instructor. In unrelated news…

 

Debating whether “The Big Miss,” an upcoming Tiger Woods tell-all penned by his former swing coach, will detail the golf superstar’s inability to keep his putts straight. In unrelated news… 

This may fit into the Too-Much-Information category, but sometimes I like to fall asleep with the TV on. It usually works best with talk-centric programming like C-SPAN, or mindless drivel like E! (sorry Anthony).

At any rate, the other night I was preparing to enter dreamland when a commercial for a well-known anti-depressant came on. My eyes remained open long enough to catch the following directive:

“Tell your doctor if you are pregnant or nursing.”

Now I fully realize that my formal training is not in pharmacology — and it certainly could have been the Ambien at work — but I couldn’t help wondering: Shouldn’t your doctor be telling you if you’re pregnant?

And for that matter, shouldn’t it be exceedingly obvious what’s happening if there’s a newborn attached to your bosom?

“Um, Mrs. Smith, it appears as though you’re nursing. Why the hell didn’t you tell me about this beforehand?!”

So Peyton Manning is a Denver Bronco. The future Hall of Fame QB made the call this past Monday after wrapping up a whirlwind tour that included visits with suitors San Francisco, Arizona and Tennessee.

In fact, the Titans were so enamored with Manning that they tried to entice him with a “contract for life.” Though I wasn’t privy to specific terms of the offer, my sources tell me it included the following:

1. A guest column in the Arts & Living section of The Tennessean

2. Superintendent of the Metropolitan Nashville Public School District

3. Grand Marshal of the annual Tomato Art Fest Parade

4. Box seats to the Grand Ole Opry

And my personal favorite...

5. Renaming the “Shelby Street Bridge” to the “Peyton Manning Road to the Super Bowl”

How could he possibly turn that down?

A Los Angeles judge this week declared a mistrial in the wrongful termination suit brought by Nicollette Sheridan against ABC’s “Desperate Housewives.”

Sheridan had accused the network and the show’s creator, Marc Cherry, of killing off her character as payback over her allegation that Cherry struck her during a rehearsal once.

Defense lawyers countered that Sheridan’s character had run its course, and that the actress herself was “bat-sh*t crazy,” or something to that effect.

Though it wasn’t quite enough to win her the victory, a majority of jurors did side with Sheridan, as one claimed the defense’s account “just didn’t hold water for me.”

Added another: “Clearly this was a high-handed attempt to settle the score with Ms. Sheridan. I mean come on — having Edie drive into a utility pole after swerving to avoid hitting Orson, then getting electrocuted while leaving the car before she has a chance to expose Dave for plotting to kill Mike and all his loved ones? And right before Susan reveals to Dave that it was in fact her, and not Mike, who was driving the car on the night someone ran a stop sign because it had toppled over on an unlit part of the road? Then I’m supposed to believe that Dave’s revenge plans suddenly change, just like that? Seriously??”

We’re all anxiously awaiting the

sequel

retrial.