In lieu of a column on whether LeBron James can realistically win back the public’s affection after some disastrous ‘Decisions,’ I give you scattered thoughts…
Imagine the disappointment of Herman Cain’s supporters when they showed up Saturday to christen the GOP presidential hopeful’s new Atlanta headquarters.
An event that should have been filled with enthusiasm and optimism — and copious servings of champagne and caviar — instead became the sorriest Grand Opening in the history of U.S. politics.
Suspending the campaign? What does that even mean? Can we still send him money? Will he continue to appear on the cable news networks? Is there a forthcoming sequel to the 9-9-9 plan?
Perhaps the only saving grace was that someone had the foresight to cancel the caterer.
In fact, there would have been no food on hand whatsoever if a quick-thinking campaign staffer hadn’t placed a hurry-up delivery order to the nearest Godfather’s Pizza, which thankfully was only 40 miles away at a truck stop in Villa Rica, Ga. (Nevermind that I lived in Atlanta for 10 years and have no clue where Villa Rica is.)
Nonetheless, one can’t help but feel saddened by what could have been — a once-promising candidate cut down in the prime of his crusade for greater government accountability, a sensible foreign policy and free breadsticks for every taxpaying American.
We never even got to recite his new campaign slogan: “We are many, hear us roar … but not in a sexually suggestive way … Not at all … Because that would be wrong … So let’s just keep it to a low, respectful din…”
It’s not unusual for a bride to become emotional at her wedding. After all, she’s just committed to sharing her life with a man who has pledged, in sickness and in health, to honor and obey the former as long as she maintains her girlish figure and allows him one guys’ night out per week.
Or something like that. Whatever. It’s a poignant time.
That said, I can’t imagine what led to a head table-clearing brawl at a Czech wedding reception this week that landed a 31-year-old newlywed in the drunk tank, and left her 22-year-old bridegroom battered and bloodied.
Perhaps he was texting during the toast? Or maybe he crossed the line with that crack about her madcap Aunt Miroslava?
Either way, I’m guessing each has a serious case of buyer’s remorse. But on the bright side, I hear TLC is looking for a new reality series to fill the time slot between the polygamist family and the couple with 19 kids.
Good luck folks!
The golf world has resumed rotating on its regularly scheduled axis after Tiger Woods recently won his first tournament in more than two years.
The lascivious linksman sank clutch birdies on the final two holes to finish atop the leaderboard at this month’s Chevron World Challenge in Thousand Oaks, Calif.
Indeed, speculation is that Woods is finally healthy after knee and Achilles injuries slowed him for much of 2011.
But I had another theory: Striking a golf ball is all about proper weight distribution. So isn’t it possible that Tiger just needed to refine his swing while accounting for the fact that his wallet is now $750 million lighter?
Like I said, just a theory.