In lieu of a column on Monday Night Football giving us another five years of Jon Gruden and his excruciating color commentary (thanks guys!), I give you scattered thoughts…
- Super Strategies, Sound Gardens and a Colossal Court Case
In lieu of a column on the appropriate punishment for a University of Alabama fan accused of poisoning a cluster of historic oaks on the campus of rival Auburn, I give you scattered thoughts…
- Game Interrupted, More Sauce and Cock-a-Doodle-Doo-Doo
In lieu of a column on how quickly boxing great Floyd Mayweather would dust announcer Larry Merchant — at any age — if Merchant ever crosses him again, I give you scattered thoughts…
In lieu of a column on how long the Denver Broncos should continue the charade that is the Tim Tebow Experience, I give you scattered thoughts…
A few quick observations from my recent trip to Las Vegas, site of the 2011 International Pool | Spa | Patio Expo (and the ubiquitous $6 cup of coffee):
1. Lady luck was on-board from the start because moments after I approached the check-in counter, I was upgraded to a suite at Mandalay Bay’s THEhotel (I’m pretty sure you have to write it like that).
Anyway, the good news is the key-card to my room only de-magnetized 18 different times. Apparently you’re supposed to keep them away from cell phones, credit cards, and all carbon-based life forms.
Which is ridiculous: You’re telling me the same society that’s mastered 4G Internet and location-based social networking can’t figure out how to house two cards in the same pants-pocket?
2. I live for late-night hotel elevator exchanges…
Drunken Knucklehead: “Dude, I can’t tell the hookers from the girls that are just dressed slutty.”
Me: “The hookers are the ones talking to you.”
3. Then again, you really can’t beat the snippets of conversation overheard while walking through, say, the casino at New York New York on Thursday, Nov. 3, around 9:15 p.m.:
“I shoulda quit doubling down right there… Oh well!”
“$39 for an all-you-can-eat buffet sounds like a deal!”
“So then I asked her, ‘What do you usually get for something like that?’”
Viva Las Vegas…
Elsewhere, a Canadian dentist this week dropped $31,000 on a 45-year-old molar that helped deliver “Yellow Submarine,” “A Hard Day’s Night” and countless other Beatles classics.
Though the funky fang was too delicate to authenticate through DNA testing, an auction house in England was convinced the tooth in question once belonged to Fab Four frontman John Lennon.
In a related story, four out of five Americans agree that is absolutely disgusting.
The more I hear NBA Commissioner David Stern discuss current negotiations with the players’ union, the more he sounds like my father, an attorney, during our weeknight bargaining sessions:
“I’ll take you out for ice cream, but in the next 2 hours you must do the dishes, walk the dog and feed the cat. At 10 p.m., we add taking out the garbage…And then it’s no longer ice cream — it’s frozen yogurt. The choice is yours.”
Monty Hall, he was not.